What, exactly, is trauma?
Trauma is all the past experiences we carry around that activate or impact our stress-response system.
These include but aren't limited to:
Epigenetics or generational trauma
Grief and Loss
Directly experiencing something traumatic , witnessing something, or hearing about something happening to a loved one
Trauma is also defined this way:
"Repeated exposure to adverse details of something that is stressful or traumatic." -Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5)
That one might hit home (ummm, the past 2 years anyone?)!
The global pandemic we’ve been struggling with has exposed us all to various levels of prolonged stress.
So, yeah…. we’re all impacted by trauma in one way or another.
That’s all the more reason to look at one another through a more compassionate lens.
Another way to think about it is:
Emotionally, people are messy.
As a result, their reactions are often messy.
Accepting that we can’t control how others act but can instead focus on our own reactions is what will help get you through the day.
It helps us move forward.
And wow, don’t we need to move forward?
Don’t judge me for judging
No one is playing the judgement police here.
While we can control how we respond to people (and it’s so important that we try) you’re going to have your judgments and assumptions.
Go ahead. It’s human to judge.
Snap judgements and assumptions actually exist to keep us alive. They help us kick-in to survival mode as quickly as possible.
What I’m suggesting is to pause after you make judgements. Then, challenge yourself to think differently. Ask yourself, “What else might be going on here?”
Bottom line:
You never know how much trauma or stress someone may be carrying. They- their brain- may be responding in a completely normal way to a completely abnormal situation from their past or present.
So the next time you see me and my kids (okay maybe just me) having a tantrum in public, judge away. Then, pause and think what else might be going on for that mom? I hope she’s alright!”
Your brain, your emotions, and your own stress level will thank you for it.
-Ali
